Alignment- as a mom and grandmother....

I was reflecting a few minutes ago on how wonderful it is to be a grandmother. I was an idiot about a lot of things as a parent when my kids were growing up, and I am not an idiot about much being a grandmother. I mean, I loved my kids dearly, but often I was distracted, or busy, or stressed, and was not really present. I remember feeling  close to my kids, but I am not sure my actions matched those inner feelings.

I think I was good enough, but I don't really feel like I would have won  any parent of the year award.  Luckily for me, my haphazard, doing the best I can mix of parenting skills, mixed with a fair shake of strong family connections seemed to work ok, as I have two wonderful children whom I feel very close to.

I was out of alignment with my thoughts and actions.  And as I think about my life now, I recognize I am out of alignment in other areas of my life, but feel so much more in alignment as it pertains to being a mother and grandmother.

While time often felt like a rubber band that was wound tight around a pencil as I rushed through my day when they were little,  the rubber band is relaxed and subtle now. I truly enjoy and look forward to the time I spend with my kids. And I am completely enamored and head over heels in love with my grandchildren. The gift of age, time and perspective adds up to me really, really getting the importance of focused presence. That one on one wonder of  true connection.

 I continue my inner journey of exploring the in's and outs of true alignment and coherence. I'm exploring to learn more. Not to punish myself for what I didn't do, but to gently excavate those things in my life that deserve deeper reflection. Our inner world reflects our outer world. As my chiropractor gently taps and corrects bones and posture in my semi- crooked spine, I feel a release of pent up feelings, emotions and memories. I believe this will help me identify those areas still in need of alignment. I'm making progress on this one- voicing and feeling the desire to write, and actually making the time to do so. Feels like a sweet victory to me.