Once Again…The Veil Parts….

Death is a subject I have spent many hours thinking about. I mean, I have spent the last 20 some years as a hospice nurse…embracing and immersing myself into the sacred journey that accompanies those dying. I’ve been honored to sit at the bedside as a precious soul leaves this world for another.

As a society, we have imprinted a sadness to that word. I wonder how death and dying would be accepted in our society if we interpreted that word with true joy. Bountiful!

I have been honored to sense the spirit of those who have already gone.

I remember attending a memorial service for a patient I was quite close to. It was held in a beautiful big cathedral, and many of her friends and family were in attendance. I remember sitting there …honoring her memory, and softly realizing that her entire essence was filling up the space within the holy walls of the church. It was fleeting, but powerful, and I knew she was there.  And her soul- her energy, however that may have been defined, was joyful. Pure joy, in fact.  That is the best word I can come up with to describe it- but it was all encompassing…so much more than my meager vocabulary of words can define.

It was a sacred moment.

I remember a late night dream, or visit, after my father died. He had quite a distressing illness and his journey at the end of his physical life was fraught with sickness, sorrow and loss. I was much younger then and unable to formulate the right words of comfort. I was sad. Confused. He was dying before my eyes, and neither of us could do anything to fix it. I was many miles away from him. My heart hurt.

He died. Some weeks later I awoke to see him standing at the foot of my bed. He was healthy and young. In his navy uniform. He smiled and told me, “I just want you to know I am ok.” It was a powerful moment for me.

And so time passes. Years go by. My spiritual journey was ramping up. I remember as a young girl always wondering about the big questions as I grew up. I guess I have always been a bit of a deep thinker- knowing that there is more to life than what we see. I have been honored, I believe, to have glimpsed the veil behind this worldly world from time to time.

I remember a trip to the library many years ago. I must have been in my early 30’s. Searching. Exploring. I found a book that totally intrigued me. “Your Erroneous Zones” by Wayne Dyer. I read a few pages. My heart opened up, and I remember feeling- “YES!!! This makes sense. I need to read this!”

So I did. And so came forth into my world a powerful spiritual teacher. The years passed. Life offered many ups and a few downs. I came to truly appreciate the blessings in my life. There were so many. There were some tough times to navigate as well.

In the background- I found comfort and refuge in reading the teachings of many amazing teachers….Wayne Dyer among them.

I consider Wayne Dyer a wise person. Someone whose energy raised the vibration for so many.

I have probably read most of his books. There are some I keep close by my side, and  often read a page or two- as a reminder to live in the moment and consider the thoughts we have and how they mold and create our world. I have been honored to attend his workshops and live lectures. My sister Jane and I have met Wayne several times, giddy with fun as he took a moment to snap a picture with us. He sang with us one time. ”Sisters…..” Since my movie watching repertoire is a bit spotty- I had no idea what song we were singing and from what movie… but it was fun none the less.

He signed books for us.  My grandchildren have autographed copies of children’s books. I am grateful. May those words we read to them help them connect easily to their inner greatness.

To me, he was kind of a “larger than life” person. Because the words he wrote touched and connected with my soul.

Wayne Dyer died a few weeks ago. Of a heart attack. He was 75 years old. I felt quite sad. I have said prayers. Prayers of comfort for his closest family and friends. Prayers of comfort for those millions of individuals whom have been impacted by his words and teachings. I hope when those final moments came for him, that he felt safe, joyful and was completely surrounded and embraced by angels as he transitioned from this life to the next.  It’s only another leg of a journey.  He has crossed the horizon…out of sight for us…but coming into view for those others….who happily waited his arrival.

So- I offer sincere thanks. I have learned much from his teachings, and I expect I will continue to do so. I hope he is up in heaven having a blast. My mom enjoyed reading his books, so I hope she has a chance to visit with him, and let him know that. She and I watched several of his PBS specials.

 I hope he is up there sharing stories with Hafiz, Lao-tzu, Jesus and Buddha. Laughing. Celebrating.

Death is a journey we all will take. As the months and years tick by, I recognize that more and more.  There is still fear for me surrounding that. I don’t want to lose the physical presence of those I love so deeply- my family, my friends, my partner Jeffrey. They all inhabit and nourish my heart and soul.

I’m certainly not ready to go.

 But, I know it will happen someday. It may be me first- it may be one of my loved ones…those precious souls who light up my world with their physical presence.

There is much left to learn for me, many lessons of grace, acceptance and knowing.  Trust. 

 Un-Attachment to outcome. Keeping my thoughts, feelings and desired aligned with what I want. 

BEing.

Knowing and trusting when that day comes when I make my journey to the other side, that I will be ready. That those I leave behind will be ok. That any inner fear or trepidation suddenly dissolves, and I feel completely, totally happy and welcomed when the journey from this life to the next occurs. 

Like…

 “Oh my goodness…there was nothing for me to worry about after all!”

So- I wrap up a rather long blog- feeling much gratitude for a precious soul. Thank you, Wayne. I appreciate the impact your teachings have made on my life, and the lives of so many. May God surround you with Peace and Presence. Enjoy this new journey. It is well-deserved.   

The Greatest Honor

Hands down, the greatest honor I have ever experienced in this life, is the honor of being a mother. 

And, luckily for me, I have the immense blessing of being “Mom” to both my son David, and my daughter, Jessica.

It was a little awkward for me at times. I didn't always do it perfectly, and sometimes I felt pretty darn inept at doing all the things a Mom should do, in the way a Mom should do them.

Mrs. Cleaver? Mother Teresa?

Not so much.

There were days I was cranky. Not at my all-time best. Tired. Perhaps I did not always make the right decisions or provide the guidance in a way that I might now.  There was no “Mothering for Dummies” book around back then, no innate knowledge of what do in every situation. As a single Mom for much of that time, it often felt challenging.

But what there was, without a doubt, was Love. A Deep and Enduring Love- which washed over me throughout the pregnancies of both, but rolled in like a tidal wave when both were born.   It’s a feeling like no other, as I am sure many other Moms can attest to.

 And, the other realization I marveled at is that Love only Grows.

When my first born, David arrived, I knew my heart was expanding to the greatest reaches of the universe.  I had no idea how I could ever love to that degree again. Then, some years later, my daughter Jessica arrived. Love grew, the universe expanded to include galaxies….and I sat back and observed in awe…how wonderful the limitless arena of love is.

Those feelings are still there, and grow deeper each day.

I love, appreciate and honor both of my children.

David.  As a baby he was fun, adorable and inquisitive… very brave. So loving as a toddler. Asked great questions. Insightful questions I may not have been equipped to answer the way I might now. Grew up to be self-sufficient and focused. Kind. Loyal.  Smart- brilliant in fact. He is much smarter than I am. He fiercely protects his family… knowing what is important.  He is an amazing man- one who has found his creative niche…capturing the soul and emotions of animals and birds through photography. When I look at his photographs, I feel something. He brings a special gift to the world, 

and I know that many others will reap the benefit of what he offers through his art. 

I love him to the furthest reaches of the Universe. I am Grateful.

Jessica. My sweet daughter. She brought many smiles to my heart as a baby and a toddler, in fact, throughout her entire childhood to adulthood.  Grew up to be a remarkable woman. Insightful. Sensitive. Tender. Filled to the very brim with Love, and then some. So thoughtful and caring to me. Appreciated beyond expression.

Hands down, she wins the Mom of the Year award. She is an AMAZING mom, so present, so focused, so loving to dear sweet Kason. She is excavating even greater things right now…discovering her own inner artist, and I am blessed to await how her inner genius and artist will emerge…as she navigates the world of MotherHood while staying connected to herself. She is powerful.

I love her to the furthest reaches of the Universe. I am Grateful.

And, although they are not my kids, I honor and appreciate my daughter-in-law and my son-in law.

Heather- she is such a creative person….not one to toot her own horn, but so able and willing to just step right in when she needs to. Caring. Loving. With no medical training, she commanded the situation when her nephew was very sick and stopped breathing. She just did what needed to be done, and didn’t even mention it after. He survived, thanks to her quick actions. I am so blessed to know her, and I can’t wait to see what other great experiences unfold for her…knowing her inner essence and creativity shines so brightly. Be prepared… You just might need a set of shades when you are around her!

My son-in-law Matt. My buddy. My friend. We’ve had so many great conversations. I love this man. He not only has such great love and respect for my daughter, he is the BEST dad and has such an innate commitment to making a fantastic life for them all.  He is a great person.  He is willing to go to Salt Mines with me. To learn the Secrets of Meditation with me and Aunt Jane.  He is willing to have deep conversations. He is a great hiking partner, and has urged me up a tough 14er. He has been such a gift in my life….and I am incredibly grateful for his friendship, insight and acceptance.

OK...so I need to learn how to put on a hat. 

So- Thank you Sweet Mother Earth, God and Universe. The circle of life continues to swirl, expand and grow.  On this Sacred Mother’s Day fast approaching- Thank you for the honor of being David and Jessica’s Mom.

May I always bring my best self to each of my beloved.  May I always touch their heart and soul and be a loving presence in their life. Thank you, God!

For the Love of Sisters

A few tears are shed yet again as I hug them both goodbye. It always happens that way. I miss them the moment I drive away- that last tight hug ends so soon while I wish I could hold on to it forever.

It was yet another enchanting encounter- an extra-long weekend of fun and connection.  My heart strings could not stretch any tighter with the amount of love and gratitude I feel for both of my sisters, Diane and Jane.

We have been together all of my life- some 56 years- as I am the “baby” in the family. How I earned that lucky spot, I will probably never know but many props and great gratitude to the Universe for setting that one up so well for me.

They had enough love in their hearts as very young girls to welcome me home and help teach me the ways of the world.

My sister Diane often took on the role of the matriarch…babysitting me when our Mom had to work late, sewing me flannel nightgowns which always thrilled me, baked Christmas cookies with me, and made the best frosting ever!  She was such a fun sister growing up. She remains a fun and amazing woman.  Her kindness and generosity knows no bounds.

My sister Jane took me to yoga class, and let me camp under the stars with her on a road trip. She took me to my first concert! I believe my sense of adventure stemmed from her influence. Now- she is my steadfast companion on our spiritual retreats, and is a treasure to so many, bringing her happy and centered attitude and energy with her everywhere she goes.

It is an honor have these sweet siblings in my life- always there providing support and precious presence to me- even on those days when I might not be showing my best self.  It matters not- they love me anyway. 

It is a priceless gift to have two best friends’ who’s DNA and essence matches and blends with mine. It is a triad of perfection.

I may not live close to them geographically, but our hearts are connected in a way not tied to time and space. I recognize and appreciate how blessed I am. I am overfilled with gratitude- and when the tears do spill over when we say good-bye- it’s ok…because I know we will see each other again soon.  I rest better each night… knowing these two angels are just a quick phone call or a flight away. Their souls never stray too far from mine.

Hiking!

Blue Ridge, GA. Dad worked for NYC.

April 2015

With deep gratitude I surround them with all of the love and blessings this amazing universe has to offer and bow down with deep and heartfelt gratitude.   Thank you Diane and Jane!

The Unassuming

Have you ever gandered a glimpse of the Uncompahgre fritillary? No? Well, I haven’t either.

However, this lackluster superstar has quite a story to tell. Pour yourself a cup of coffee and pull up a chair. 

These small creatures have captured the crown on perseverance.  They live way up high- above 13,000 feet where the air is so thin, the winds so fierce, and the ground so cold that most who come to visit quickly take their leave.

No so the Uncompahgre.

They have a wing span of one inch…yes one inch- about the length of the last three words of this sentence. Yet in their meagerness- they are fierce warriors. They survive in an environment so harsh that it takes them a full two years to complete their development. This- for the honor of soaring amongst the clouds for a few short weeks in the heat of summer.

We should all benefit from the patience and perseverance of this unassuming butterfly- who does what Uncompahgre butterflies do- completely enjoys the time they have. Mother Nature may have lobbed a few curve balls their way, but to my knowledge, I have heard of no reports of this butterfly complaining.

And let’s consider the story of the prairie dog.

Not a dog by any means, but a very social animal who lives underground and who deals with adversity every day.  They are often scorned and attacked by humans, they are considered a tasty food source by many other species….yet the prairie dog seems very content.

 I have not seen any Prairie pupdates…no Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter or Facebook posts lamenting their fate.

Nope- I just see their perky tiny faces standing tall by their small holes- arching their faces to the sun, and offering a call of warning to their tribe- to their coteries- if it appears danger is approaching.

Deep below the soil these social animals live banded together, living the best life a prairie dog might ever imagine.

It seems there are lessons offered from these unassuming creatures who share God’s great space with us.  

In our human arena, much of our adversities are self-selected. Our environment is often as harsh as we imagine it to be. We tend to take up space in the “WhatWas” and the “WhatWeThinkItShouldBe”.

When we dance around the present moment- we lose our balance.

It’s harder to catch that updraft and soar amongst the sunbeams. It’s a bit more difficult to feel the kiss of the Earth upon our cheeks. We may get distracted from our community- from our sense of being there for another.

The unassuming offer a footprint so deep and endearing that the very fabric of our life existence can be influenced and molded in sacred ways- if we just take note.

It’s not just survival of the soul- but an innate in-thrival of the soul- a knowing that all is well- that the Universe is conspiring on our behalf- if we can urge our eyes open  a little  wider, accept the gifts that Mother Nature offers, and allow any perception of lack to gently fall away. 

To Dream a Dream

Everyone has dreams. From the time we are very little to the moment we take our last breath, there are things that we wish to happen in life.

I’m not talking about the dreams we have when we go to bed each night, although I do believe the fertile ground of sleep can nurture the seeds of possibility.

I’m thinking more about the Dreams that buoy around us in our waking hours.  With a capital D.

One of my dreams is the Dream of Adventure…being in Nature…exploring new places…hiking.  Really- any hike is worthy of a spot in my Dream tapestry…but I imagine hiking big mountains too…14ers in Colorado…Kilimanjaro in Africa.

The energy surrounding a dream is timeless. Think about a moment when you saw a piece of artwork, or read a book that touched your soul. The creator of that book….the artist of that picture… all had a dream which was fulfilled. And in that fulfillment, an energy was created that still touches those who are meant to be touched.

A dream shared grows stronger.  Being vulnerable in the tender spot of our soul takes great courage. But as we take that step of trust, an amazing thing happens. When we share our passion, our creativity, our dreams...we not only nurture ourselves and our inner calling- but our Dream can spark the birth of a Dream in another.

The spirit of a Dream runs deep and inspiration emerges in many ways. Another can hold the space for your dream to unfold, thus held in the heart and intention of another. So the power surrounding the dream expands, and the tapestry of possibility grows.

I have experienced this in my life. Sweet friends have made comments like, “Knowing you….I expect you can do this.”  Trainer Tim from the Gym held this intention for me 5 years ago when he helped me set my goals and intentions and now says...”Here you are, making your dream happen.” Trainer Sean is now stepping up to the plate and holding an intention of success as I train even deeper.

A special person in my life sends me a gorgeous print of Kilimanjaro.  

Even individuals whom I have never met…Colorado mountaineers who set their sights on the most giant of the giants, such as Everest and Lhotse offer a kind word of encouragement. They know that a dream is a dream….and there is no hierarchy when it comes to matters of the heart. 

So, thus the tapestry of possibility is created. As others hold their part…it’s up to me to climb up onto that Dream…much like a trampoline…and jump high with my arms spread wide and a happy smile on my face and in my heart.

What dreams do you have? What feeds your soul and nourishes your heart? Enjoy the dream…enjoy the journey and share with the rest of us so we can help hold your dream in a sacred place of possibility.

The Pursuit of Happiness

Most of us, if asked would probably agree “happiness” is important. It is something we strive for and we feel like that we “deserve” it. We have the best of intentions as we set about trying to make happiness happen. Many books have been written discussing happiness, and have offered detailed information on how to create or find happiness. There have been Happiness Projects. In fact, I've read many of those books, and have been intrigued by those who make happiness a project.  It’s all been helpful.

However, sometimes I wonder if I over think it. Does happiness need to be pursued? Does it need to be a project?

Is it such a grand undertaking to pave the path to happiness? And just how far away is it, anyway? Do we need a GPS that gives us step-by-step directions?

I think that I've been chasing something that I don’t need to chase. Maybe happiness is not the destination, but is something that quietly simmers within each one of us. The GPS we should follow is our own- our God Powered Soul- that which is omnipresent within each of us. We can just be…happy.

The journey is the one within. We simply make the choice to allow- to deeply allow happiness that is within each of us to emerge.

Like anything else- it’s up to us to allow it to be revealed, right?

We can resist, we can deny, we can hang on to our stories…the times we perceived we were denied that which we needed to be happy. There can be emotional stragglers from our past taunting us that we are somehow falling short of the mark.  We can choose to spew litanies to anyone who will listen about why we are not happy, or whose fault it might be that happiness eludes us….but it’s not the real truth of the matter.

The truth of the matter is that when we can sit quietly with our thoughts- when we turn our direction within…our inner GPS…God Powered Soul will illuminate the way… and the wells where happiness lives bubbles up to nourish our body and our soul.

Here is a simple way we can connect to happiness.

Try it right now. Sit quietly, close your eyes and take several slow deep breaths.  Feel your body relax. Allow any feelings, thoughts or emotions just rise up into your awareness and gently float away. Know that this is a moment of peace. 

Allow a color to come to your awareness….what color does happiness look like to you?

Visualize that color.  Allow it to fill your body….bathing the tips of your toes to the top of your head…see that color of happiness swirl gently around you…spreading out several inches from your body.

The color may change…it may morph from one hue to another. It’s ok.  Create your own mosaic…weaving together a comforting quilt of colors in which to wrap around your sweet tender self.

As new fresh space is created, the fountain of happiness settles in, creating a new imprint of happiness that just is.  

Try it every day for a week or two, and let me know how your life changes!

happiness by the water

The Intent of Winter

It’s a cold Colorado morning.  Temperatures hovering in the teens give pause for extra thought and care before one ventures out for the day. However, as I sit here in the wee morning hours, sipping on a cup of coffee, warm and cozy, I recognize there are still secrets to unravel from the lessons of Winter.

There’s a certain amount of magnificence within the cold and snowy landscape.  It’s a gentle nudge from Nature to slow down, to look within, and to allow ones inner growth, creativity and passions to percolate just a little longer, insulated and safe...but gathering steam nonetheless.

 I've been amazed by how peaceful it is to watch the falling snow and to embrace the space between the snowflakes. There is beauty to behold from the snow gathering on the treetops-insulating the bare vulnerable branches. It feels like Mother Nature’s intent supports hibernation and reflection….which without a doubt will lead to the promise of spring. New growth within those trees is already awakening, getting ready to burst out with new possibilities and a fullness of spirit.

Our inner essence is much the same, I believe. In those sacred times of reflection…when we heed the soft whispers offered by Nature, it allows that which has been simmering the space from which to emerge.